| Writer's Block: Word for Word |
[14 May 2009|02:01pm] |
Oh gosh... HUNDREDS! hahah.. Well, maybe not hundreds.. but I know a LOT of songs by heart.
It all started with Lisa Loeb - Stay.. I think I even STILL know that song by heart.
But seriously.. I love music.
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[24 Apr 2009|02:37am] |
Right now.. I just wanna say.. that I'm pretty fantastic. :)
I hope I didn't just jinx it.
;)
I love you.
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[18 Apr 2009|11:42am] |
Google has it right:
Aries 4/18/2009: You really want to go out and have some fun today, yet you are oddly detached from what you actually do. It's as if you know what you need but don't really care if you get it. Being open to the difference between your fantasies and the outcome of the day is healthy. But don't be so disconnected from your life that you slip into denial of your emotions. Staying in touch with your feelings is crucial to your long-term happiness.
I've been feeling this way for a few weeks now. I think that's why I didn't want to do anything for my birthday.. I just didn't feel like going through the motions. I blamed it on stress, of course, I didn't feel like being stressed out about a place to go, who's coming, and whatnot.. but in all actuality, I really didn't even care enough to do it.
Sigh. Hopefully I can kick this soon... it sucks.
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[19 Feb 2009|04:13am] |
Does he love you?
Does he love you?
Will he hold your tiny face in his hands?
Ahhhhh... I love that song.
There's so much I want to write, but the words are evading me. I'm not sure I could explain, even if I tried.
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| New Years Resolutions |
[02 Jan 2009|12:56am] |
I'm not one for New Years Resolutions... I don't make them for a reason.. because.. if by some reason, I fail at fulfilling them (which is entirely plausible, because most resolutions are unrealistic anyway), I feel like I've let myself down.. which, I understand is the point.. but really? Do I need another reason to feel down on myself? No.. definitely not.
I've lost 41lbs this year... 41! And I still feel fat most days... ick.
Don and I go to the gym (when we remember).. and I always feel great when we're done. I should go more, I know I should.. but why am I resistant? I don't know.
So... what I was getting at, anyway... is that I'm not going to set a goal of how many pounds I'm going to lose, because if I don't.. oh well, there's always next year, ya know? You can't put a time limit on getting healthy. It doesn't work that way. I will lose more weight this year. I have an idea as to where I want to be.. or where I could be. But I'm not saying it has to happen this year.
I also want to go to massage therapy school. But, my problem is that now that Don is unemployed, we don't know where he's going to end up. If he ends up having to relocate.. I'm going with him.. no doubt in my mind, so I don't want to start school, and then he has to move somewhere, and I'm here stuck here alone until I finish school, or I have to drop out, to go with him. So I'm going to wait, I guess.. save up some money (if I can).. and see where he ends up.
Oh yeah... and for those who don't know... I've fallen in love. :) And it's wonderful.
But for now, I should try to get some sleep.. I have to work in the AM. Ick..
Goodnight.
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| Complete and udder randomness. |
[23 Sep 2008|10:14am] |
I have a few things swimming in my head at the moment and I'm having a hard time sorting through them... Sorry Nick, but this will mostly be a repeat of last night... BUT there is a little more to add into it. :)
My first problem is that curiosity kills the cat. I realize when I decide to snoop through someone else's stuff, I have to deal with the consequences of what I find... but is it so much to ask someone to just be open and honest? Does everyone have their little secrets that they don't tell their significant other? I suppose we do. I mean.. I do. I think I always did... but whenever I find something out that I wasn't meant to, my stomach turns over, and I get a sick feeling. Even if I discover they are doing exactly the same thing I'm doing... it still makes me feel sick. Is it the inherent catholic guilt that I was raised with, that now I'm dealing with? I don't know what it is. Do I have a right to be jealous, even though I've done the same thing? No, most likely not... it's the stupid double standards that I'm seemingly so fond of. I know you guys are like, "What is she talking about?" But honestly, I don't even want to give specifics because it's so stupidly juvenile. Oh well... I just have to deal with it, right?
Moving right along... The Moo is going under... bad. Mark is doing anything and everything he can to dump it. He wants to sell it, and offered it to Sammy. Sammy needs $1500 in 3 weeks, if he wants it. He asked me to go halfs with him... he wants ME to be his business partner. My automatic response was "No. Absolutely not." I mean, I'm flattered that he wants to keep me around long enough, and trusts me enough to consider being business partners... but there way too many factors that contributed to the reflex response. A) There's a reason Ken sold the store, and now Mark is selling it... duh. B) I've been here long enough, I don't think buying the store would be beneficial to my life. C) You never become business partners with friends.... not to mention friends that you have a rocky past with... I don't want to be tied to him in any way.. and I think being partners is worse than being married. So yeah... thanks, but no thanks.
And I think my final rant... is going to be about two of my favorite complaints... wrapped in one. As you guys know, I have a very low tolerance for opinionated ignorance... well, this rant is about opinionated ignorant Christians. I've had a couple discussions with friends over the past couple of days... one of them was extremely intelligent, and the other was obviously ignorant... They both consider themselves Christians... so it's kind of amusing to be able to compare the two, but still annoying. My issue comes into play when people automatically assume that since I'm white with seemingly high morals and values, and living in America, I must automatically be Christian... Mistake number 1. When I simply reply with "I'm not Christian." I am almost always responded to with one of two questions... the first is "Then what are you?" and the next is "Well... are you Atheist, then?" When I reply to the atheist question with a simple chuckle and a "No," then they proceed with "Then what are you?"
Why is it, if you're not Christian.. you're automatically an Atheist? And it's even more annoying to find that most ignorant Christians think that Atheists are "Devil worshippers." Well.. hahah.. jokes on you, dumb asses. Let's look at this logically. The idea of the "Devil," of "Satan," of "Lucifer," didn't come along till Christianity. Jews don't believe in Hell, therefore there was no lord of the underworld. Christianity is where Hell showed up... God cast Lucifer down from the Heavens. So... theoretically, if someone is a "Devil worshipper," they must therefore, believe that the Devil.. which is a Christian belief was cast down from the heavens by God... which means they must therefore believe in God... so they can't be atheist. And since the definition of "atheist" is the belief that there is NO God... someone who worships the devil, can't be an atheist. Right? Right.
Ok, next is the question "Then what are you?" I'm me. Point blank. I don't believe in organized religion.. my biggest problem with them is that they all think they're right and everyone else is wrong. I have a very hard time with that. In comparison to the rest of the world.. no one organized religion has enough people to balance out EVERYONE else... so does that mean everyone else is wrong? I mean.. it's ok that you think that.. but I can't.
So... let's recap... No.. I'm not Christian.. no.. I'm not an Atheist. I know what I believe (to an extent)... I have ideas... I don't think my beliefs and ideas are the only true beliefs and ideas. I think the idea of what's "true" is subjective and everyone needs to decide for themselves.
I guess that's about all I need to rant about for the time being. :) Thanks!
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[22 Sep 2008|11:46am] |
So... this has become my all-time favorite picture of me.
I'm gorgeous. :D
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| Yay me. |
[18 Sep 2008|12:24pm] |
I've lost 31lbs and gone down 5 notches on my belt since May.
Unfortunately I still feel enormous. Hahah.
Oh well.
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[05 Sep 2008|12:28pm] |
I kinda wish my life was exciting enough to have stuff to update with.
For now, though... it's just been a lot of work.
Oh, and an 18 yr old high school senior boy was/is stalking me... but it's cool...
.. at least he's legal, right? Hahah.
Oh, and he's got a girlfriend. Love it.
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[02 Sep 2008|11:39am] |
Evidently today is the day to express my disappointment in people...
Hopefully things get better.
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| Bitches! |
[27 Aug 2008|05:41pm] |
Facebook horoscopes need to make up their damned minds!
Aries: Don't give up hope yet. Something you thought wasn't going to work out still has a chance.
Fricken-A.
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| Rough week. |
[22 Aug 2008|10:50am] |
I don't really feel like typing it all out again... but here's the conversation I had with my friend John... ask questions if there's any part of the story you don't understand... keep in mind, this is the abridged version.
[10:23] WishingForDaisy: Yesterday I'd just had enough of everything,.
[10:24] WishingForDaisy: I was talking to Brittany (girl that works there), and she said that Lindsay (stupid new hire slut bag), and Sammy told Lindsay that he and I were over and that he was done with me.
[10:24] WishingForDaisy: I freaked out.
[10:24] WishingForDaisy: Because at that point, I hadn't talked to him.. like.. talk talked to him since Saturday.
[10:25] WishingForDaisy: And with everything else going on.. I snapped.. I called Tracy and unleashed everything.. and then everything with Nikki escalated.. which didn't have anything to do with me... so I felt terrible for Tracy because it's all falling on her shoulders at the same time.
[10:26] WishingForDaisy: So, she said, "Ok.. lemme call you back."
[10:26] WishingForDaisy: So when I got to the store, Sammy was on the phone with Tracy.. all I really heard was, "I barely work with her, why would she think I'm an asshole!?"
[10:26] WishingForDaisy: So I knew he was getting reamed.
[10:27] WishingForDaisy: I told her what Lindsay said, and told her that I didn't get that memo, and she said she hadn't either.
[10:28] Metallicoholic: Tracy said she didn't hear that?
[10:29] WishingForDaisy: So.... we were working.. it was just Sammy and me at the store... really awkward, neither of us was talking to the other... finally I said, "So... are we going to talk about this now, or later?" and he goes, "About what?" and I said, "I think you know what." and he said, "no..." and I said, "The fact that you and I are over... " and he goes, "I'm now allowed to talk about it." And I said, "That's not what I heard.... " and he just repeated, "I'm not allowed to talk about it.." and I said, "Buuut, you're allowed to talk about it with Lindsay?" and he got real quiet, and said, "please... I'm asking nicely.. please just drop it." And I said, "So... we'll talk later?" and he says, "nope."
[10:29] WishingForDaisy: So I told him I wanted my money back, that I lent him.
[10:29] WishingForDaisy: tracy said she didn't hear that sammy and I were over.
[10:31] Metallicoholic: Ah, okay
[10:31] Metallicoholic: So did you find out if what was said was true?
[10:31] WishingForDaisy: He never denied it.
[10:32] WishingForDaisy: Then... Mike quit last night... it was supposed to be Tracy and Mike closing last night.. but Tracy is really sick.. so she was going to have Sammy close... but then Mike quit, so Sammy had to go pick up Tracy... and they both closed last night, adn of course I was fricken there for forever.
[10:32] WishingForDaisy: Now Tracy's disappointed in me for being friends with Nikki, and vice versa... Nikki's mad at me for still being friends with Tracy... and Tracy's irritated that Sammy adn I worked all night with out ever talking to eachother.
[10:33] WishingForDaisy: When the store closed and everything was almost done, she pulled us in the back and told us that we had to fix it.. we needed to be able to talk in order to work together.
[10:33] WishingForDaisy: So she sent us outside to talk and work things out.
[10:34] WishingForDaisy: And the only thing he said on teh subject was that I didn't call him for 3 days, adn that Lindsay went to him asking about me.
[10:34] WishingForDaisy: He didn't deny what he said, but he didn't confirm it, either.
[10:34] WishingForDaisy: So.. I dont' know.
[10:36] WishingForDaisy: But I guess Lindsay quit... don't know why.
[10:42] Metallicoholic: That's weird
[10:42] WishingForDaisy: Yeah.
[10:42] Metallicoholic: Okay, so who is Nikki and Tracy again?
[10:42] WishingForDaisy: Hahah.. Nikki was new at the Moo... but she was fired the other day for seemingly no reason.. it was all a huge misunderstanding that was blown way out of proportion.
[10:42] WishingForDaisy: Tracy is the general manager, and Sammy's mom.
[10:43] Metallicoholic: Ah, okay, that's what I thought but just confirming
[10:44] WishingForDaisy: Yeah.
[10:44] Metallicoholic: Okay, so what's the status now then? I thought you said there was some big fight that the customers heard
[10:44] WishingForDaisy: Tracy and I are pretty good friends.. I went to her birthday party, and whatnot.
[10:44] WishingForDaisy: Oh, taht was between Nikki and Sammy when Sammy fired her.
[10:44] Metallicoholic: Oh okay
[10:45] WishingForDaisy: I just texted sammy and asked him why he said what he said to Lindsay and he said because he just can't do it anymore.
[10:45] WishingForDaisy: And so I texted him back and asked him why he didn't talk to me about it... he hasn't texted back yet.
[10:45] Metallicoholic: Weird.
[10:45] Metallicoholic: I'm sorry you get stuck in these shitty situations
[10:45] WishingForDaisy: I really do.
[10:45] Metallicoholic: I wish there was something I could do for you
[10:46] WishingForDaisy: And I realize it's partly my fault, because when I get bored, I tend to create drama... never anyone else's drama.. just drama for myself.
[10:48] Metallicoholic: Well yeah we all do
[10:48] Metallicoholic: and hearing something that heard it from someone else is never anything to go by
[10:48] Metallicoholic: but he should be denying it
[10:49] Metallicoholic: Beth has accused me of some whacky shit over the years but I deny everything I know isn't true, even though I know it's ridiculous
[10:49] WishingForDaisy: Yeah.
[10:53] WishingForDaisy: I asked him if he remembered the promise he made me in the start of it all, that if he ever decided this isn't waht he wanted any more, to tell me... he said he was going to tell me.
[10:54] WishingForDaisy: And I asked him if he didn't think someone else would tell me first.
[10:54] Metallicoholic: Well I don't know, maybe he didn't say those things
[10:54] WishingForDaisy: He did.
[10:55] WishingForDaisy: He just said he's sorry.
[10:56] Metallicoholic: Did you tell him to stop jerking you around?
[11:00] WishingForDaisy: No.
[11:00] WishingForDaisy: I said I was sorry too.
[11:00] WishingForDaisy: I didn't add that i'm sorry for wasting the past 5 months on him.
So.. Sammy and I are officially over.
You all can jump for joy now.... I'm going to go cry.
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[22 Aug 2008|10:03am] |
How does Facebook horoscope application know exactly what's going on?!
It's really creepy:
Aries: You gave something your all, but it just wasn't meant to be. On to the next!
Seriously? Crazy!
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| Writer's Block: Romance! |
[20 Aug 2008|12:01pm] |
Heh... almost anything they asked me to. Too bad they don't ever realize that's what I'm doing. :: sigh ::
My facebook horoscope said that I'm finally getting over this emotional rollercoaster... I sincerely hope they're right. I'm sincerely annoyed with the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime I think about it.
Unfortunately I don't know how to go about ending it diplomatically. We still have to work together, so I can't make things weird, and I don't want to piss him off in such a way that he tries to piss me off. If Lindsay wants him, she can have him... seriously. He's more of a nuisance than anything, these days.
I don't deserve the emotional and mental abuse he puts me through. Seriously.
Now, do I just let it go and stop talking to him, and hope he gets the point? Or do I tell him straight up that I'm done? I don't know which would be more beneficial.
All I know is that I'm done... and am looking for someone new. :)
I had a weird dream last night that I was pregnant.... and had a baby girl. Labor only lasted a total of like... 3 minutes, and she slipped out... no pain.. nothing. I couldn't think of a name, so I just kept calling her "Baby Girl," until I woke up. Weird. Never dreamt about nameless babies before.
In other news, I've lost another 2lbs.. i'm up to 22lbs gone, now. :) Whoopie! Hahah.
The office is out of coffee, and I'm having caffeine withdrawls. So sad.
Oh well. Thus is my life.
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[18 Aug 2008|09:41pm] |
Day two with no contact....
...I thought it was supposed to get easier?
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[14 Aug 2008|11:53am] |
Let's run away to a deserted island and live off sunshine and coconuts.
You bring the sunscreen, I'll bring the bug spray.
We'll live happily ever after.
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| One step at a time... there's no need to rush. |
[04 Aug 2008|10:49am] |
So these past couple weeks have quite possibly been the most stressful weeks that I have had in a long time... and unfortunately, I'm a little disappointed in myself that I haven't been able to deal with them better. It's like studying and studying for an exam you think might be coming up soon, but then when it's all said and done, you failed it, not even realizing that was the test.
I'm surprised I still have friends, honestly. I'm pretty sure I've bitten Nick's head off more than a few times... Sammy has gotten quite a bit of it.. Brit has to listen to me vent.. and I feel bad because they all have their own shit to deal with.. they don't need mine, too.
I think that's part of my problem... I'm always the person that people come to to vent, but I always keep my problems in. I feel bad when I have to vent to someone else, so it keeps building and building up, until I can't take it anymore and I have a nervous breakdown.
I used to be so stress-free. I was negative stress on people, the one always helping people realize that the things they're going through are only temporary.. "this too shall pass." But when I get there... I need someone else to tell me that, and I don't believe them anyway... and it doesn't help. It makes me wonder if everything I've been reading and spewing to people has been going in one ear and out the other, like it does with me? I don't rightly know. What happened to me? I don't know.
All I know is that last week sucked. I'm hoping this week will be better. Dylan will be here tonight, and I think that'll help a lot. He's pretty good at making me feel better... even if he's not trying.
Either way.. thank you to all my friends who have stuck by me, and listened to me vent and bitch about one thing or another. I'm very sorry for snapping at anyone, and hopefully I can get myself on the right track again.
I love you all very very much.
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| Schedule for the next couple of weeks: |
[29 Jul 2008|12:32pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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Today (7/29): Office 9-1, Drive to Sams to get frosting and cake, go directly to the Moo, make ice cream till close, go home and finish packing.
Wednesday (7/30): Office 9-1, drive home and start moving.
Thursday (7/31): Office 9-1, Make ice cream till close.
Friday (8/1): Office 9-1, afterwards maybe hanging out with Kari? Don't know yet... she may be sick.
Saturday (8/2): Moo from 10:30-3...
Sunday (8/3): Moo from 3-close
Monday (8/4): Office 9-1, Start moving stuff to our permanent apartment, pick Dylan up from airport at 11:35pm.
Tuesday (8/5): Office 9-1, Moo: ice cream to close.
Wednesday (8/6): Office 9-1, and Nick's dad is coming to help finish moving our crap into our new apartment.
Thursday (8/7): Office 9-1, and ice cream till close.
Friday (8/8): Office 9-1, and I asked for the rest of the night off... so maybe/hopefully hanging out with Dylan, finally.. maybe driving him back to Sarasota.
After that though... hopefully I'll finally get a day off. I didn't have one last week, don't get one this week... next week, if I don't get one, I will scream... or call in sick, whichever.
But hey.. at least I'm not bored, right? Hahah.
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| And dreaming doesn't do no good, cause I don't wanna lie that I'm ok and I'm alright... |
[03 Jul 2008|11:10am] |
Ok, so I had this dream... and for some reason.. it really shook me up. Like, I had to turn on all the lights in my room, and stay awake for a while to get my mind off it. I don't know why it was such a nightmare, seeing as there wasn't actually physically scary about it... but for some reason, it just rubbed me the wrong way, and I'm wondering if maybe the reason I was so terrified by it has something to do with the definitions I found.... let me explain:
In my dream I was stay with some friends and family at a beach house, somewhere on the East Coast.. it was chilly and stormy, so everyone was in sweats and carrying around umbrellas. The beach itself was covered in broken and upturned umbrellas that people had just left there. I was, for some reason, quite partial to my umbrella and didn't want anything to happen to it... so I held onto it with all my might. It ended up dragging me down the beach.. which was fun for a little bit, until a big gust of wind came up and it carried the umbrella (and me attached to it) up into the air a good 100 feet. When I was that far in the air, the umbrella, instead of letting me land softly in the sand, decided then to turn inside out on me, and make me drop. I fell the entire 100 feet to the sand... not the soft fluffy sand, but the hard wet surf sand.
You know how in your dreams, if, by some chance you have a falling dream, you always wake up before you land... well I didn't. I didn't wake up till I was on the ground, with a body print in the sand. Evidently the fall wasn't high enough to kill me, but I was still baffled that I didn't wake up beforehand. When I did wake up, I was on my stomach in my bed, with my face plastered in the pillow, arms out at my sides.
Now... that being said, the first thing I did was google dream analyses for umbrellas, wind, and beaches...
Umbrella
In dreams umbrellas usually symbolize the device that the conscious mind uses to protect itself from the unconscious. Umbrellas might symbolize our unwillingness to deal with negative emotions, psychological baggage, or trauma. If the umbrella is opened, you may be protecting yourself from unconscious materials. If the umbrella is closed, then you may be prepared and be willing to deal with the unfamiliar psyche. Old dream interpretations say that the umbrella is the symbol of security. If the umbrella is broken or turned inside out, your ultimate achievement is possible but delayed.
Wind
The wind in your dream could be symbolic of your own spirit or the life force. The wind may represent changes in your life. The greater the force of the wind, the greater the change. A very gusty wind could represent stress and turmoil but also the energy that you need or have to make changes. The sound of the wind and the movement of objects around you are probably what alert you to the wind in the dream, rather than a sensation of wind on your skin (most people don't have tactile experiences in their dreams).
Beach:
The beach is the meeting place of two worlds, land and sea, which may symbolize the conscious and unconscious realms of the human psyche. Perhaps there is something within your unconscious that the conscious mind needs to acknowledge. Dreaming that you are looking toward the beach, suggests that you are returning to what is familiar to you. Alternatively, you may be adapting or accepting to the changes and circumstances in your life.
So.. from what I can extrapolate from putting all of this together... My consciousness is trying to protect my unconscious from stress and turmoil that is ultimately inevitable.
I wonder what my consciousness is trying to protect my unconscious from?
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[22 Jan 2008|08:00pm] |
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RIP Heath Ledger... you will be missed. :(
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